"Fox & Rat" Virtual Series - Season Eight

 

Review By: Gothic Spook

"Ew! No! You can’t kiss me!" - Alex Krycek

Is Krycek passing up an opotunity to get a kiss? But who is asking?

Well this episode sees Krycek, Spender and Skinner getting drunk. Krycek driving EVERYONE mad with his Krycek-Cam.
There's a couple of fights in which Krycek again screams out for his "Mommy".

Aw .... and true emotions are revealed by one character (not saying who you have to read the epsidoe!) and it melts your heart ... and then a few seconds later he kicks Krycek's butt! Read on for an episode full of drunkeness!

 

 

8x07 "Krycek-Cam"

Title: "Krycek-Cam"
Written by: Kristi
Date: June 2-3, 2005; July 6, 2005
Air Date: October 17, 2005
Rating: PG-13 (for Krycek activity)
Series: FRVS - Episode #155
Spoilers: Past episodes of FRVS may be spoiled.
Feedback: E-mail us at foxandratvs@gmail.com (please include the episode name in the subject) Thank you.
Archiving: "Fox & Rat" Virtual Series only!
Disclaimer: "The X-Files" and its characters belong to 20th Century FOX Broadcasting. If you recognize it, it's not our own creation. Original characters belong to Cassie and Kristi (FRVS).
Author's Note: The personalities of the characters within the world of "Fox & Rat" are not those you know from "The X-Files" television series. We have warped them and given them a common past, immature behavior and a sense of humor. Any horrid behavior should not be mimicked in your every day life.
Summary: Krycek, Spender and Skinner take a night out on the town.


FADE IN:

INT. SPENDERíS APARTMENT Ė NIGHT

We are at the point-of-view of a home video recorder, seeing an odd angle of Spenderís black leather couch. A little red blinking light with ďRECĒ is in the upper right hand corner along with the date, August 26, 2005, as we will ďseeĒ this episode through the POV of the camcorder.

Krycek sits down on the couch, his head and neck are chopped off from bad positioning of the video recorder that rests on Spenderís coffee table.

KRYCEK
(ego)
This is Alex ďSexyĒ Krycek Ė like you
couldnít tell... Okay, so hereís my plan
for tonight... Iím takiní my posse out on the
town and Iím gonna take you, my handy-dandy
home video recorder, with me so I can get
Spender and Skinner hammered and film all of
the incriminating black mail that will happen to them.

He laughs deviously.

SPENDER (O.S.)
Hey Krycek! Haul ass out here! Stop
being such a girl! No one cares what
you look like! Youíve been in the
bathroom for twenty minutes! Come on!

KRYCEK
(to Spender)
Coming! (back to camera) I havenít
actually been in the bathroom for
twenty minutes, Iíve been-

SPENDER (O.S.)
Come on, Runt!

KRYCEK
Oh...

Krycek gets up from the couch and the camera gets switched off.

CUT TO:

INT. SPENDERíS CAR Ė NIGHT

Krycekís video camera switches on. The same ďRECĒ in the corner followed by the same date is in the corner. The video is dark since it is night time and there arenít any lights on.

Spender is driving, we see him from a profile show, indicating that Krycek is sitting in the front passenger seat. Spender is oblivious to the camera.

SPENDER
... so my dad died?

KRYCEK
(from behind camera)
Yep.

SPENDER
And you shot him?

KRYCEK
Yep.

SPENDER
(enthusiastic)
Thatís awesome! He was such
an asshole, you know?

SKINNER (O.S.)
How much did you see him
when you were growing up?

Skinnerís voice comes from the back seat. He too has not noticed the camera.

SPENDER
Hardly ever.

SKINNER (O.S.)
Probably why youíre so normal.

SPENDER
When I did see him, his arrogance
made me ill. Along with his smoking.
Iím surprised he didnít die of lung cancer sooner.

KRYCEK
(from behind camera)
I think the way I took
him out was better.

Spender looks over at Krycek.

SPENDER
Did you shoot him in the head?

KRYCEK
Yep.

SPENDER
Whatís with the camera?

Spender gives Krycek a strange look.

KRYCEK
Recording history.

SKINNER (O.S.)
Heís got a camera?

The camera quickly pans over to see Skinner sitting in the back.

KRYCEK
Yeah buddy!

SKINNER
What historical thing are you up to?

KRYCEK
Iím not up to anything.

SPENDER (O.S.)
(doubtful)
Sure. You not up to something is impossible.

The camera quickly pans over to see Spender, a little too close. Spender puts his hand over the lens in frustration.

SPENDER
Turn that damn thing off and
tell me where this club it.

KRYCEK
Get your hand off the camera and I will.

Spender removes his hand and gives an irritated glare at the camera.

KRYCEK
Okay, itís called The Ladies of
the Night Club. Itís not far down
this road, so keep heading this way.

SKINNER (O.S.)
You really think that I should go
to a club called ďThe Ladies of the
NightĒ if Iím trying to get back with Kim?

KRYCEK
Yes. Iíve been there before and
itís awesome and crawling with women.

SKINNER
(doubting)
I donít know, Krycek. Iíve gotten
Mulder to help me with the Kim situation
and I wouldnít want her to know Iíd go
to a place like that.

SPENDER
Youíve asked for Mulderís help?

Spender laughs.

SKINNER
Whyís that funny?

SPENDER
Because Mulder doesnít know
anything about women.

KRYCEK
No kidding.

The camera catches Spender running a red light. Krycek laughs quietly.

SPENDER
You shouldíve come to me.

KRYCEK
Or me.

SKINNER
(hell no!)
Oh right, and have the two of you
hit on her? I donít think so. She
wouldnít want that, and she wouldnít
appreciate me sending either one of you.

KRYCEK
Yes she would.

SKINNER
No she wouldnít.

KRYCEK
I know she wants a
piece of my sexiness.

SKINNER
And that is exactly why I
wouldnít want you to go near her.

KRYCEK
You just know that my
Russian Love Gun would-

SKINNER
(angry)
-I swear to god, Krycek. If you
continue like this, Iím going to
snap your neck. (beat) Remember, I was in ĎNam.

The car becomes very silent as we see Spender pull into the parking lot of The Ladies of the Night Club.

The camera cuts out.

CUT TO:

INT. LADIES OF THE NIGHT CLUB Ė NIGHT

The camera comes on and we see the back of Skinner and Spenderís heads. Lights are blinking, a disco ball is rotating over the dance floor, and ďYMCAĒ by The Village People is blaring loudly throughout the club.

Skinner, Spender and Krycek head to the bar. The cameraís POV (aka: Krycekís POV) scans the club, finding people in dresses, which he ďeyesĒ with the camera up and down, checking them out.

KRYCEK
This is my kind of place!

They reach the bar and all three of them sit on bar stools.

The male bartender comes over to them. Heís wearing a white leather open vest, exposing his bare chest, and wears a black sailor hat.

BARTENDER
What can I get for you ladies to drink?

The bartender looks at Krycek and the camera, eyes him up and down and winks at him.

KRYCEK
(defensive)
Um... Iím not gay.

Krycek turns the camera on Spender and Skinner. They look at him.

BARTENDER (O.S.)
(doubtful of Krycek)
Right, sweetheart.

SPENDER
(amused)
So, youíve been here before Alex?

He looks right into the camera.

KRYCEK
Yeah, thatís right. (beat) Here take the camera.

The camera gets put into Spenderís hands, angled down on the floor.

KRYCEK (O.S.)
Iím gonna go hit on some chicks.

We see Krycekís feel walk away, and the camera angles up to see him go into the crowded dance floor.

SKINNER (O.S.)
I doubt heís been here before.

SPENDER
(behind camera)
Itís a gay bar.

SKINNER (O.S.)
I donít think he realizes that
there are only men here.

SPENDER
(behind camera)
Iím sure the dresses they
are wearing confuse him.

They both laugh.

SKINNER (O.S.)
This is what is great about going
out on the town with Alex.

In the crowd, we see Krycek go up to a ďladyĒ of the night and start flirting with ďherĒ. Skinner and Spender quietly laugh as they secretly catch a classic, embarrassing moment of Krycekís on tape. Guess itís a good thing he brought this thing after all.

The ďwomanĒ Krycek is flirting with speaks to him, and suddenly Krycek isnít such the ďladies manĒ he was hoping himself to be. He quickly starts to make his way out of the crowded dance floor.

SKINNER (O.S.)
(amused)
Did you get it?

SPENDER
(behind camera; amused)
Hell yeah.

SKINNER (O.S.)
Quick turn it off so he doesnít know.

The camera cuts out.

CUT TO:

INT. SPENDERíS CAR Ė NIGHT

The camera is switched on once again. This time we see from the back seat. Spender is driving again and this time Skinner is in the front passenger seat. They are both laughing.

SKINNER
(highly amused)
You know Krycek, thatís
two on your record.

KRYCEK
(behind camera)
Shut up.

SPENDER
What do you mean ďtwoĒ?

Skinner looks back at Krycek and sees he has the camera rolling. Heíd love to get this one tape, but itís an embarrassing Krycek story. He has to play it right... find someway to keep Krycek running the camera.

SKINNER
(sounding really into it)
Well, it happened a couple years
ago. Mulder told me about it.

KRYCEK
Shut up, Cue-ball!

SKINNER
It was at that Laundromat on Market street.

Skinner looks back at the camera, turning on the carís inside light so the camera can see him well.

SKINNER (CONíT)
Wasnít that the day Mulder washed fish?

Spender laughs.

SPENDER
He washed fish? Like pet fish?

KRYCEK
(behind camera)
Not the fish in his apartment. He
won them or something and then decided
that they needed something bigger than
the plastic bag. (beat) So he put
them in the washer.

Spender shakes his head in disbelief.

SPEDNER
Tell me he didnít add soap.

KRYCEK
He did.

SPENDER
Oh no.

KRYCEK
He said it was a habit.

SKINNER
And then Krycek hit on a
transvestite named George.

Spender bursts out laughing.

KRYCEK
(mad)
Hey! I thought we were telling
the fish story! You punk!

SKINNER
(laughing)
Aw come on Krycek, itís funny.
Laugh at yourself a little.

KRYCEK
(mad)
Yeah, well, you... you...
youíre bald! So ha!

SPENDER
(laughing)
Oh yeah, thatís the same. (beat)
Admit it, youíve got a thing for transvestites.

KRYCEK
I do not! Iím married to Marita!

SKINNER
Yeah, and you still hit on
a transvestite tonight.

Spender looks back at Krycek from the rear-view mirror.

SPENDER
(confused)
Wait, when did you marry Marita? And
why are you still living with me if
sheís your wife?

KRYCEK
Itís complicated. And Dr. Peterson
said she needed to be on her own for
a while so sheís not dependent on
other people all the time.

SKINNER
Maybe you should talk to him.

Spender turns off the inner light, causing the camera to go out of focus for a moment.

KRYCEK
What for?

SKINNER
Youíve lived with Mulder for
how many years? And now youíre
with Spender, who lives below
Mulder. Youíve got this strange
attachment to Fox Mulder.

KRYCEK
I do not.

SKINNER
You do too. Look at yourself.

SPENDER
He has a point.

KRYCEK
I am so not attached to Fox Mulder.

SPENDER
(doubting)
Whatever.

KRYCEK
(defensive)
Hey! Iíll have you know-

The camera angel drops to the floor and switches off.

CUT TO:

EXT. MANNERíS BAR Ė NIGHT

Skinner and Spender make their way into Mannerís Bar, followed by Krycek and his camera.

KRYCEK
(behind camera)
Iím telliní you, I lied before.
Iíve never been to that club.

Skinner shakes his head and laughs.

SPENDER
Sure... whatever you say Alex.

Spender looks back with doubt to the camera as they enter Mannerís Bar.

INT. MANNERíS BAR Ė CONíT

The bar is packed on this Friday night. Music is blaring and everyone is having a good time. The boys make their way over to the bar. Kim, the bartender, smiles at them and waves at the camera.

KIM
Hey fellas, whatíll it be?

SPENDR
Beers all around, man.

KIM
Cominí right up.

KRYCEK
Hey, we should shoot some pool!

Krycek sets the camera down on the bar, and out POV is of beer mugs, pretzels, and napkins. Kim places three beer mugs down on the bar and they get picked up as all three head over to an open pool table in the distance.

In the background, we see Krycek racking up all the pool balls, and Spender chalking up a pool stick. Skinner sits down to where he can watch them shoot pool.

Knowle Rohrer enters frame in the foreground, not noticing the camera right next to him.

KNOWLE
(to bartender)
Hit me. Somethiní hard.

A shot of whisky is placed in front of him and he downs it. He sits down on the barstool.

KIM (O.S.)
Need to talk.

Knowle lets out a sigh.

KNOWLE
Probably. (beat) Could I have a beer?

Kim enters frame a little ways away, filling a mug full of beer. Knowle rubs the back of his neck. The beer mugs gets set in front of him and he takes a small drink.

KNOWLE
I donít know what to do right
now. (beat) You see, Iíve got
this problem and I...

Knowle sighs. How can he talk about this?

KIM
Alcohol problem?

KNOWLE
Nah, thatís a problem, but not
what Iím talkiní about.

He takes another drink and takes a deep breath.

KNOWLE
Thereís this woman... Iíve known her for
a long time. Sheís a wonderful person. Always
knows how to bring a smile to my face, you know?
(beat) But sheís no where near available to me,
and Iíve started having these feelings for her.

He takes another drink.

KNOWLE (CONíT)
Then thereís the woman Iím with. (beat)
Itís a pretty rocky relationship. You see,
we used to be swingers. She stopped long
before me because she wants... the ďCĒ word.

KIM
Commitment?

KNOWLE
Ah, donít say it.

He takes another drink.

KNOWLE (CONíT)
She means a lot to me, but with these
other feelings Iíve developed for this
other woman... Iím confused, you know? I
mean, sheís engaged and loves the guy. Heís
a nice guy too. (beat) I guess part of me is
wondering ďwhat ifĒ about this other woman.
Do I mention it to her? To Shaní? I donít know.
(beat) Will Moní hate me because of these feelings?
Will Shannon? (beat) I mean, I am at a total loss
here. (beat) I care a lot for both of them.

Skinner makes his way over to the bar, having had enough of Krycek and Spender shooting pool. He sits down two seats away from Knowle.

KIM
How long have you been with... Shannon?

KNOWLE
Years. (beat) We officially hooked
up in high school. (beat) In all honesty,
our relationship isnít... healthy, you know?

KIM
What about the other one? Monica?
(beat) When did these feelings
for her begin?

SKINNER
(to Kim)
Kim, another.

Knowle takes another sip of his drink as Kim gives Skinner another beer, who downs the mug full... his night on the town with Krycek is getting to him.

KNOWLE
(after a beat; to Kim)
I donít know when I started having these
feelings for Monica. (beat) She went missing
for about a year. She was held against her will
somewhere. I helped get her and her friend out,
but then they were caught. (beat) Seeing the
condition she was in broke my heart, you know? (beat)
I donít know. Maybe it was in that moment. Maybe I
thought about what life would be like without her
in it and it started to make me realize how much
she means to me. I donít know. (beat) Sheís been back
for a while now. I havenít seen her a lot. Sheís
called me a lot though. (beat) I really donít know
when or how it happened.

KIM
Weíre you close growing up,
or... how did you meet?

KNOWLE
When I was a kid. She was my friend.
Went to the same boarding school as
me. We even went to the same college.

KIM
Never dated her?

KNOWLE
Hard to really tell. I was such
a player in high school and college.
(beat) But yeah, we did for a little while.

In the background, a pool stick is thrown at Spender and yelling has begun between him and Krycek.

Skinner leans over the bar to refill his mug without Kim knowing.

KNOWLE (CONíT)
These feelings for her seem to have
just come out of nowhere. I mean, Iíve
Always had a place for her in my heart,
But nothing has ever happened.

KIM
You say sheís engaged?

KNOWLE
Yeah. She actually asked me
to come with her and a friend
to choose a wedding cake.

KRYCEK
(mad)
I was not cheating! You were!

SPENDER
(pissed)
Yes you were!

KRYCEK
(mad)
No! Youíre the cheater!

Krycek comes over to Kim, accidentally bumping into Knowle, who looks up at him with annoyance.

KRYCEK
Kim, gimme a refill.

SPENDER
You cheated!

KRYCEK
Oh shut up!

Kim sets another beer mug in front of Krycek, and Krycek being Krycek, spills his beer all over Knowle. Some of it splatting on the camera lens.

KRYCEK
Oh shit!

KNOWLE
(angry)
What the hell are you doing?

We see Krycekís body freeze in fear when he sees that he just spilled his drink all over Knowle Rohrer Ė the man who hasnít been nice to him since he met him.

KRYCEK
(panic)
I uh...

Knowle stands. His massive, muscular, six foot, four inch, body towering over Krycek.

KNOWLE
(mad)
You.

He finally realized who spilled the beer all over him.

KRYCEK
(scared and trying to hide it)
Hey, whatís up man?

KNOWLE
ďWhatís up?Ē Thatís all you
have to say to me?

Krycek pushes Knowle, hoping to knock the big guy off his feet. Unfortunately for Krycek, Knowle remains standing.

KRYCEK
Shit!

Krycek turns to run away, but Knowle grabs him by the shoulder and stops him. Knowle turns Krycek around to face him. The commotion has gotten the attention of everyone in the bar... except for Skinner, who continues to drink beer to get himself drunk to help numb the pain of being out on the town with Krycek.

KNOWLE
Donít run away, Pee-Wee. Iím
not done talking to you.

KRYCEK
(scared)
Lemme go!

KNOWLE
No. You have it coming asshole.

KRYCEK
(scared)
No I donít! Help!

KNOWLE
You hurt Monica. You hurt my Marine
brother John and his girl. Youíve hurt
a lot of people, Pee-Wee. So yes, you
have it coming.

Krycek throws a punch at Knowle.

KIM
(stern)
Krycek!

KNOWLE
(unaffected; to Kim)
Itís okay...

Just when Krycekís paranoia of being crushed by Knowle have faded, Knowle throws a mean right hook right into Krycekís face.

The camera is suddenly picked up by Spender who wants to make sure this moment is captured on video for the replays!

Krycek falls to the ground with a bloody nose and quickly gets up.

KIM
Take it elsewhere guys!

KNOWLE
(assuring him)
Iíll pay for damages, Kim.
This shit has it coming.

Krycek makes a run for him and tries to tackle him to the ground. But instead, his face meets Knowleís fist... again. This is a battle that could be compared to Pee-Wee Herman vs. The Incredible Hulk, and Pee-Wee doesnít have a chance.

The entire bar is into the fight, all wanting to see The Big Guy take out Pee-Wee.

KRYCEK
Aw fuck! I think you broke
my nose! You punk!

Knowle gets out of his fight position and relaxes.

KNOWLE
(ďsympatheticĒ)
Aw... poor Pee-Wee.

RANDOM MAN IN CROWD
Get Ďim Big Guy!

Krycek glares at Knowle and charges after him screaming. Before heís even able to do anything to Knowle, Krycek is picked up and tossed over the bar. The bar goes wild with cheers.

Kim gives Knowle a look, heís mad now.

KNOWLE
Iíll pay for it.

KRYCEK (O.S.)
Mommy!

Kim looks down at Krycek, and canít help but smile in amusement.

The camera makes its way over to the bar to peer over and see Krycek. Knowle walks out of the bar.

SPENDER
(behind camera)
Whoa! Man, you all right?

The camera POV peers down at Krycek, who is in agonizing pain down on the floor. Heís curled up in a fetal position.

KRYCEK
(crying)
Get that camera off me!
Iím dying! Help me!

SPENDER
(amused)
Be a man, will you?! Geez!

The camera shuts off.

CUT TO:

INT. ST. VINCENTíS HOSPITAL Ė NIGHT

The camera switches on in a busy waiting room and Skinner stands in front of the camera.

SKINNER
(slurred)
You gonna get him beiní
stitched up?

Skinner looks over at the camera with a goofy grin, heís a bit drunk.

SKINNER
(slurred)
Oh, why hello Mr. Camera.

Skinner smiles like a doof.

SPENDER
(behind camera)
Of course, Walt.

SKINNER
(slurred)
Donít call me dat... call
me... Mr. Clean.

Skinner pats the top of his baldhead.

SPENDER
All right, Mr. Clean. Letís go
see Krycek and laugh at him.

SKINNER
(slurred)
Can I give you a noogie?

SPENDER
No.

Spenderís arm enters frame and turns Skinner around to face the door to leave the waiting room.

SPENDER
Walk that way, Mr. Clean.

Skinner starts to walk in the direction Spender turned him to.

They walk down the hall and hear a high pitched scream coming from a room. Skinner turns to face the camera.

SKINNER
(slurred)
Sounds like Pee-Wee.

Spender laughs.

SPENDER
Lets go in.

Skinner opens the door to where they are stitching up Krycek.

KRYCEK (O.S.)
(loud)
OWIE! Watch it you punk!

DOCTOR (O.S.)
Hold still please.

Skinner moves out of Spenderís view so the camera can get a shot of Krycek getting his forehead stitched up.

Krycek looks up at them.

KRYCEK
Oh come on! Turn the camera off!

The doctor looks up at them.

DOCTOR
You really shouldnít be in
here while we do this.

SPENDER
Aw címon, itís for a video to give
his wife on their anniversary. Itís
for a gift. Weíll stay out of the way.

DOCTOR
Iím sorry, but you canít
be in here gentlemen.

SKINNER
(slurred)
But Iím Mr. Clean.

The doctor looks at Skinner like heís crazy.

DOCTOR
You two need to leave now.

He puts his hand over the camera lens.

DOCTOR
You need to leave before
I have security remove you.

KRYCEK
Yeah! Call security! Arrest them!

CUT TO:

INT. HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM

The camera cuts in on Spender reading ďHIGHLIGHTSĒ magazine. The camera angle is up-side-down.

SKINNER
(slurred)
Jeffy... has anyone ever called
you Jiffy, like the peanut butter?

Spender looks over at him.

SPENDER
(dead pan)
No. (beat) The camera is
up-side-down you idiot.

SKINNER
(slurred)
Itís inventive filming.

Spender rolls his eyes and goes back to counting apples in ďHIGHLIGHTSĒ.

The camera gets set down, looking up at Skinner who has forgotten the camera is running. Bright florescent hospital lights are above him, shining down on the camera lens. Spender is out of view.

SKINNER
(slurred)
So I wus thinkiní.

SPENDER (O.S.)
(not really paying attention)
Oh?

SKINNER
(slurred)
I should pick a fight to
show Kimmy Iím a man.

SPENDER (O.S.)
Is this about that bar fight?

SKINNER
Yes.

SPENDER
That wasnít about a woman.

SKINNER
Yeah-huh... in a way. (beat) Krycekís
responsible for hurtiní someone that
big guy cares about.

Spender leans into frame.

SPENDER
Wait, you want to fight?

SKINNER
Yeah, to show Kimmy I love her.

Spender looks devious.

SPENDER
You could fight my bro.

SKINNER
Mulder?

SPENDER
(devious)
Yeah.

SKINNER
He is with Kimmy tonight.

SPENDER
(encouraging)
See, there ya go. Itís in the
stars. It is your destiny.

Skinner smiles.

SKINNER
Yeah... Like Darth Vadar...

Spender gives him a weird look.

KRYCEK (O.S.)
Letís go! Gimme my camera.

Spender picks up the camera and hands it over to Krycek, who is looking straight at it.

KRYCEK
(mad)
Hey! Who left it running. Youíre
gonna waste my batteries!

The camera turns to face the floor, and is shut off.

CUT TO:

EXT. KIM COOKíS DUPLEX Ė FALLS CHURCH, VIRGINIA Ė NIGHT

The camera angle is looking towards Kim Cookís front door. Walter looks back at the camera and gives an enthusiastic thumbs up.

KRYCEK
(behind camera)
What time is it?

SPENDER (O.S.)
A little after ten.

KRYCEK
Do you think heís actually
going to fight with Mulder?

SPENDER
Probably.

Skinner knocks on the door.

KRYCEK
(unsure)
I donít know, should we stop
him? I really donít know if
this is a good idea.

SPENDER
Shh... Mulderís answered the door.

The camera zooms in on Skinner and Mulder talking. It looks like Mulder is telling Skinner to leave. Kim comes up behind him and watches.

SKINNER
(slurred; heard from a distance)
I am not drunk!

And thatís all it takes! Skinner punches Mulder, knocking him to the ground.

KIM
(mad; heard from a distance)
Walter!

Krycek-cam and Spender run up to the house, just as Kim kneels down to check on Mulder. The camera gets a close up angle of Mulder. Heís got a bloody nose and looks disoriented.

SPENDER (O.S.)
Dude, Mulder, are you okay?

SKINNER (O.S.)
(slurred)
Iíll show him whoís boss!

Kim looks up at Skinner with anger.

MULDER
(looks up at Skinner)
What the hell was that for?

Mulder notices the camera and pauses for a moment, giving it bug-eyes. Why is there a camera here?

SKINNER
(slurred)
For Kimmy.

Kim stands up out of frame.

KIM (O.S.)
(mad)
Get him some ice from the
kitchen and some tissues.

Spender helps Mulder up off the floor. Krycek and his camera start to follow.

KIM (O.S.)
(pissed)
What is the matter with you?!

The beginning of an argument catches Krycekís attention, and he turns the camera on Skinner and Kim.

SKINNER
(slurred)
I love you, Kim.

Kim glares at him. Though sheís much shorter than he, she has a great amount of intensity to her.

KIM (mad)
You love me?! Oh please, Walter!
This isnít love! Youíre drunk!

SKINNER
(slurred)
No! What do you know Ďbout it anyway?!

Kim sighs, a headache coming to her.

KIM
I want you to leave, Walter. Now.

SKINNER
But Iíve hitched a ride
with Krycek-cam and his posse.

Kim looks at him for a moment. Sheís not amused.

KIM
What?! Who even talks like that? (beat)
Youíre drunk, Walter. Leave. (beat) Youíve
done more than enough damage for one night.

She starts to push him to the door. But something off screen catches Skinnerís attention and he pushes by Kim and Krycek-cam. Kim turns around quickly to see what heís doing.

KIM
(mad)
Walter!

A loud SMACK of a punch is heard O.S., causing the camera angle to quickly turn to see Skinner giving Mulder a third punch. In defense of himself, Mulder has to fight back.

KIM (O.S.)
Yes, Iíd like to report a disturbance.
(beat) My ex has started to throw
punches at my friend. Heís drunk and I
canít get him out. (beat) 8775-2
Grandview Lake. (bet) Thank you.

Skinner and Mulder continue to battle it out. Mulder randomly dodging Skinnerís fist.

KIM (O.S.)
Iíve called the police, Walter. Stop it!

Skinner knocks Mulder to the ground, continuing to beat him up.

SPENDER (O.S.)
Skinner! Hey man, stop!

The camera cuts out.

CUT TO:

INT. KIMíS HOME Ė A FEW MINUTES LATER

Mulder is holding an ice pack on his eye and has a tissue stuffed up both nostrils of his nose. A cop steps into view, his back to the camera. The camera angle moves around the cop to get a better view.

MULDER
He just started to beat me up again.

COP
You did nothing to provoke him?

MULDER
Thatís correct officer.

The cop nods his head and writes something down in his notebook.

MULDER
Iím not going to press charges, but
I know Ms. Cook would like him removed.

COP
Yes, weíre taking care of that now.

The cop turns and notices the camera.

COP
(to Krycek)
You didnít happen to catch any
of this on tape, did you?

KRYCEK
(from behind camera)
Yeah, got it all. Need it?

SKINNER (O.S.)
(slurred)
He started it!

COP
Yes.

KRYCEK
No problemo, Mr. Officer.

The camera cuts out as it is handed over to the officer.

CUT TO:

INT. FALLS CHURCH POLICE DEPARTMENT Ė NIGHT

We cut into the Police Department on Spender, who is yawning. He is sitting in a chair, staring up at the lights in boredom.

KRYCEK
(behind camera)
Gives us a quick run down.

Spender looks over at the camera.

SPENDER
(dead pan)
Skinnerís been arrested, booked, bail set
and now weíre debating on whether or not to
pay his bail or let him sit behind bars for
the night. (beat) Then, our camera operator
here (he points to the camera) thinks we should
bail him out to see if we can get him to
propose for a third time to his other ex-girlfriend,
Dana Scully. (beat) Which I happen to think
would be pretty damn funny.

KRYCEK
(behind camera)
Oh, and just so everyone knows,
the last time we were on, it was
a little after ten at night. It is now...

Krycekís watch enters frame from behind the camera.

KRYCEK (CONíT)
Thirty-five after two in the morning.

SPENDER
Good thing itís Saturday. (beat)
Letís go see the Skinman.

Spender gets up.

CUT TO:

EXT. JOHN DOGGETTíS HOUSE Ė BACKYARD Ė EARLY MORNING (STILL DARK)

All the lights are off in Doggettís house. The camera is angled on Skinner and Spender.

SPENDER
We canít just break in.

SKINNER
Sh... it wonít be breaking
in if we find a way to
unlock the door.

SPENDER
Havenít we caused enough trouble
for one night. (beat) Youíve already
been caged once, Skinner.

KRYCEK
(behind camera)
Shut up, Spendie-wendie.
This is going to be funny.

Spender glares at the camera.

SPENDER
I hope you get arrested.

SKINNER
I could unlock it if I go
through the doggie-door.

Skinner bends down, the camera follows him.

SPENDER
Walter, really. You canít fit
though a dog door.

The camera shakes and we hear Spender get hit on the arm.

SPENDER
Iím serious, Krycek.

KRYCEK
This could be funny. Shut up.

SPENDER
Weíre so going to get arrested.

KRYCEK
No weíre not. Itís John and Dana.
I know them.

Skinner has his head through the dog door.

KRYCEK
(amused)
I love it when heís drunk.

SPENDER
We are going to get our asses kicked.
(beat) We could loose our jobs. I know
you donít care since you lost it, but I care.

They hear Skinner giggle from inside. Spender looks down.

SPENDER
(irritated)
What now?

SKINNER
(muffled)
Buddyís licking my nose.

Spender tilts the camera up, away from Skinner, and looks into it.

SPENDER
Iím leaving.

He starts to walk away.

KRYCEK
NO!

The camera shuts off.

CUT TO:

INT. DOGGETTíS HOUSE

All the lights are out and the camera only picks up the silhouettes of the two men when they stand in front of the kitchen window.

SKINNER
(slurred)
See, that wasnít hard once we
got me unstuck from the doggie-door.

SPENDER
I canít believe you
dragged me into this.

The lights in the kitchen turn on.

DOGGETT (O.S.)
(mad)
What the hell are you
doing in my house?

The camera angle whirls around as we hear Krycek scream. We get a quick glimps of Doggett and Scully standing in the doorway to the kitchen as the camera falls to the ground with a CRASH. The lens cracks, having broken from the fall.

KRYCEK
Shit!

The camera is picked up and then turned off to be looked over to make sure it isnít broken.

CUT TO:

INT. DOGGETTíS LIVING ROOM

The camera fades in, the crack in the top left of the frame. We are close to Skinner and Scully. Skinner is down on one knee and Scully looks pained to see him do this to himself. Doggett stands behind Scully, leaning against a wall. He rubs his head in frustration.

DOGGETT
(irritated)
Itís after three in the morning. Leave.

SKINNER
Turtle, will you marry me?

SCULLY
(having said this a million times)
No Walter. I will not marry you.

SKINNER
Please?

He pulls out the engagement ring he used twice with her before. The same ring he proposed to Kim Cook with, with ďTurtle! Eek!Ē engraved on it.

DOGGETT
Címon guys, just leave.

SKINNER
Iíve always loved you, Dana.
And I think you and I could
fix our problems.

Scully sighs.

SCULLY
Walter, lets talk outside.

She looks at the camera and then back at Skinner.

SCULLY
Away from the peanut gallery.

Skinner nods his head. He and Scully head to the kitchen and out to the backyard.

SPENDER (O.S.)
Alex, give the camera a rest.

KRYCEK
Fine. Iíll go put it
in the car or something.

The camera shuts off.

CUT TO:

EXT. DOGGETTíS HOUSE Ė BACKYARD

We are at the POV of hiding in bushes. Yeah, like Krycek would really put his camera away...

Scully and Skinner are standing near the house. Scully has hold of both his hands.

SCULLY
(soft)
Walter, Iím happy with John.

SKINNER
But we could fix us.

SCULLY
Walter, the only thing I want
fixed between us is our friendship.
(beat) I get uncomfortable around
you because I think youíre going to
hit on me or something.

Skinner looks down.

SCULLY
Lord knows that being with
you would be easier, but-

Skinner takes her statement the wrong way and leans in and kisses her. Scully doesnít back away, and for a moment she thinks about how much easier it would be for her to forget and not deal with everything sheís been through at the Facility. With Skinner, sheíd never have to face it because he doesnít mean as much to her as John Doggett does.

Scully pulls away.

SCULLY
No, Walter.

Skinner looks down at her.

SCULLY
No. It would be so much easier
with you for me to deal with
everything, but thatís only because
John means the world to me. (beat)
With you, there is no deep connection,
no deep emotion. Thatís why itíd be easier
with you. With John I have to face those
emotions if the relationship is going
to work. I want it to work.

SKINNER
(soft)
Iím sorry... I thought you meant
you wanted to be with me when you said-

SCULLY
-The easy way wonít help me. (beat) I
with you would just realize that I only
want to be your friend. You know, go back
to the times when we would just be able
to hang out, watch movies, or something,
and I wouldnít have to worry about Ďis he
going to hit on me?í, you know?

Skinner nods his head.

SKINNER
Iím sorry. (beat) I havenít been
thinking about what you need in
life. Heck, I donít even know what
possessed me to propose to you for
a third time tonight.

SCULLY
Youíve had a little too much to
drink I think. (beat) And youíre having
a night out on the town with Krycek and Spender.

Skinner looks at her and smiles. Heís starting to sober up since realizing how foolish he has been tonight.

SKINNER
Iím sorry.

SCULLY
I know. Apology accepted.

SKINNER
Are we friend again?

SCULLY
Yes, Iíd like that.

She smiles at him and gives him a hug.

SKINNER
Youíre truly happy with John?

SCULLY
Yes. (beat) Weíve got some things
to work out, but I believe in us.
And I know he does too.

SKINNER
Good, because I want
you to be happy.

Scully smiles.

SKINNER
You deserve it.

SCULLY
Thank you. (beat) How are things
coming along with Kim?

Skinner lets out a heavy sigh.

SKINNER
After tonight... sheíd have to
be insane to get back with me ever.

SCULLY
What happened?

SKINNER
Spender, Krycek and I with
a little too much to drink.

Scully winces.

SCULLY
Now Iím scared.

SKINNER
Iím sure youíll hear about it
all later... (beat) We should
get back in before Krycek starts
to think dirty thoughts.

Scully laughs.

SCULLY
Weíre probably too late, knowing him.

They head back inside.

CUT TO:

INT. RAVE NIGHT CLUB

The camera switches on and Krycek sits down in front of the camera. Skinnerís head is barely in the shot, laying on the table. Heís sleeping. Krycek leans down so the camera can get his face. Loud techno music is blaring, but the club seems dead.

KRYCEK
(to camera)
So, this has been an exciting night
out on the town. (beat) I got into a
pretty cool bar fight and beat the dude
up. Skinner got arrested for assaulting
Mulder. Then, he proposed to Scully. (beat)
But you know, this wouldnít be a successful
night on the town with Krycek-cam if we
didnít catch a little action...

He winks at the camera.

KRYCEK
(devious)
And I know for a fact that our
boy Jeffrey Spender found himself
a hottie... and now... they are
nowhere in sight. (beat) Címon,
letís go find him.

Krycek picks up the camera and starts to make his way across the almost empty dance floor, making his way to where the bathrooms are. Krycekís hand enters frame and quietly sneaks into the menís restroom, hearing sex noises and moans.

INT. BATHROOM Ė CONíT

Sure enough, Krycek-cam catches Spender with his pants down with a hot brunette.

KRYCEK
(from behind camera)
Ooooh... well lookie what we have here.

Spender looks over at Krycek and his camera. He is pissed.

SPENDER
Turn that damn thing off!

KRYCEK
No way man. Sheís hot!

WOMAN
(seductive)
Want to join us?

KRYCEK
Hell yeah!

SPENDER
Hell no!

Spender leaves the woman, pulling up and zipping his pants. He goes over to Krycek.

SPENDER
Give me the god damned camera.

KRYCEK
No!

SPENDER
Give it to me!

Spenderís hand covers the lens and he tries to pry the camera out of Krycekís hands.

KRYCEK
But Krycek-cam has to get some action!

SPENDER
Turn the damn thing off! (beat)
Thatís it! Iím kicking you out
of the apartment! Iíve had enough of you!

KRYCEK
You canít do that!

SPENDER
Yes, I can! Go live in a
fucking dumpster or something!

The camera drops to the floor and cuts out.

CUT TO:

EXT. DUMPSTER Ė EARLY MORNING

The camera gets switched on, and all we see is a close up of a black garbage bag covering the lens.

KRYCEK (O.S.)
Ow!

The bag moves to reveal Krycek sitting in a dumpster, his knees up to his chest. Heís obviously been sleeping. Mulderís face peers over the edge of the dumpster and down at Krycek.

MULDER
(curious)
Alexander?

Krycek looks up at Mulder.

KRYCEK
What?

MULDER
Why are you in a dumpster?

KRYCEK
Spender kicked me out.
Iím homeless.

Mulder crawls into the dumpster and sits next to Krycek, putting his arm around him.

KRYCEK
Iím sorry for everything. (beat)
For lying, for betraying, for
not stopping Skinner for beating
you up. I donít want you to hate
me any more. Youíre my bestest buddy.

MULDER
You hurt a lot of people, Alexander.

KRYCEK
(on the verge of crying)
I know and I feel bad about that,
but it seems no one is giving me
a second change. (beat) I mean, one
of John and Monicaís friends beat me
up and tossed me over a bat last
night. I donít feel I have anyone
on my side but my Marita Lynn.

Mulder sighs.

MULDER
Alexander... Iím on your side.
I donít like being mad at you
either. (beat) You can come back
and live with me if you want to.

Krycek wipes a tear away.

ďLOW BATĒ starts to blink on the camera indicating the camera battery is almost out.

KRYCEK
Thanks.

Mulder and Krycek hug.

KRYCEK
So weíre buddies again?

MULDER
Buddies forever if I
can kiss you.

KRYCEK
Ew! No! You canít kiss me!

MULDER
Please? Weíre buddies.

KRYCEK
No!

Mulder leans into Krycek with his lips puckered, just as the camera cuts out:

LOW BATTERY

 


 

FRVS Home | Close | Next Episode -->