"Fox & Rat" Virtual Series - Season Five

5x18 "Scully's 'Alone' Time"Title: "Scully's 'Alone' Time"
Written by: Cassie
Date: First Draft - April 1-11, 2002 , Final Draft – August 4, 2002
Air Date: January 27, 2003
Rating: PG
Series: FRVS - Episode #094
Spoilers: Past episodes of FRVS may be spoiled.
Feedback: E-mail us at foxandratvs@gmail.com (please include the episode name in the subject) Thank you.
Archiving: "Fox & Rat" Virtual Series only!
Disclaimer: "The X-Files" and its characters belong to 20th Century FOX Broadcasting. If you recognize it, it's not our own creation. Original characters belong to Cassie and Kristi (FRVS).
Author's Note: The personalities of the characters within the world of "Fox & Rat" are not those you know from "The X-Files" television series. We have warped them and given them a common past, immature behavior and a sense of humor. Any horrid behavior should not be mimicked in your every day life.

Summary: What was supposed to be a nice evening alone winds up being much much more...

Zeke Ramone's Review:
Well golly jeepers! I have yet another favorite episode! Just when Scully thinks her evening can't get any worse, people keep coming through the door! This episode is wonderful, full of hillarious continuity reflecting back to an earlier episode this season! Just a bunch of great laughs bound to give you stomach cramps. And we must not forget the "weenie" comment in this new episode of "Fox & Rat"!


FADE IN:

INT. SCULLY/MARITA/REYES APT. – SATURDAY NIGHT

The apartment is well lit, the song “Conga” by Gloria Estefan is playing at a normal volume level on the stereo. We pan across the empty living room to the left, passing the kitchen and dining room areas, we stop on Scully’s bedroom door. It’s open.

Scully walks out of her room, carrying in her arms several of her own formal (yet sexy) dresses. She’s wearing black sweatpants and a gray FBI sweatshirt (sleves rolled up). Her hair is sloppily pulled up in a high ponytail and she’s wearing her glasses. She shuffles her Pooh Bear slipper feet two doors down and to Monica’s room. She walks in. We see Monica in a slip sitting on her bed, uncomfortable.

SCULLY
Ok Mon’, I found a few
dresses for you to choose from.

As she shows the dresses to Monica, she holds them against her body.

SCULLY
Black, thin material, easy to see through. (beat)
White, low v-neck, able to show off cleavage. (beat)
Dark red… silky, sensual, revealing, very sexy-

MONICA
Dana, I’m not sure I should dress
like this. I just met this guy in the
park this afternoon.

Scully gives her a look.

SCULLY
So? You said he was hot, why
not spice things up a bit?

MONICA
(taking red dress)
I’m not like you when it comes to men-

SCULLY
-Believe me Mon’, I haven’t
been with as many as people say I have.

Monica slips on the red dress, she looks at herself in a mirror, a pained expression on her face.

MONICA
A little short, isn’t it?

Scully looks at her and ponders, her arms are crossed.

SCULLY
We need to polish up this look.

She scurries out of the room.

CUT TO:

INT. UNITED NATIONS – RESTROOM

Seemingly the restroom is empty, but as the camera moves pass the stall doors, we go above into a stall.

Marita is standing, holding a home pregnancy test in her hand. Whatever the result, we cannot tell by the blank expression on her face.

CUT TO:

INT. MANNER’S BAR

It’s karoke night, and Mulder and Krycek are singing “I Got You Babe”. Skinner is sitting at their table, happy that the boys didn’t drag him up there with them. He nervously glances at his wrist watch, 8pm. He glances behind his shoulder toward the bar door. To the side he sees Robert Alfredo coming back with their drinks. He sets Skinner’s down and takes a seat.

ALFREDO
Relax. She’ll get here soon.
Probably had a meeting that
went overtime. You know how
those UN people can be. Do you know
what she wanted to talk to you about?
(beat) Maybe she wants to get back
together with you.

SKINNER
I don’t know. (beat) I worry about her
sometimes. Dana says she hasn’t been
feeling well this past week. I offered to
pick her up tonight, but she ignored me and-

Just then Mulder starts crawling seductively towards the Skinman. He’s still singing “I Got You Babe”. Alfredo and Skinner are terrified. Skinner gives Alfredo a look.

CUT TO:

INT. DOGGETT’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM

We see that Brad Follmer is over tonight, he’s sitting on the couch and Buddy is on his lap, starring him in the eyes without moving. Brad is afraid to move. Buddy doesn’t necessarily care for him all that much, thanks to Doggett.

In the background we see Doggett. He’s on the phone pacing back and forth, he looks a little annoyed.

DOGGETT
(on phone)
I know Ma, three years. Yes, it’s
much better now. (beat) How many
times do I have to tell ya, Mon’ and
I were never-

We hear Buddy snarl at Brad, Doggett snaps his fingers and points to the ground. Buddy gets down and now keeps an eye on Brad from the ground.

DOGGETT
Look Ma, I’ve got to go now. (beat)
Yes, I have company over and no, it’s
not a woman. Ma? (beat) Ma? Ma,
November isn’t for another ten months.
(beat) I love you too. Bye.

Doggett hangs up his phone and lets out a heavy sigh.

BRAD
Great getting calls from home, isn’t it?

DOGGETT
Cut the crap Mr. Follmer. I know
and you know you don’t want to be here.

Bradley lets up his “friendly” cover and stands.

BRAD
I can’t believe Monica is trying
to make us get along.

DOGGETT
I know!

BRAD
She knows very well we’ve
never liked each other.

DOGGETT
-Not since Christmas ’86!

BRAD
And she knows damn well why.
(beat) You know, I think we should
make her be with us, if she wants
to try to make us get along.

Doggett grabs his leather jacket and heads to the door, as does Brad.

DOGGETT
(calling)
Come on Buddy! We’re goin’ to Dana’s!

Buddy follows as they exit the house and get into Doggett’s truck.

BRAD
Want to stop and get a pizza
before we get there?

Doggett agrees and he pulls out of his driveway.

CUT TO:

INT. SCULLY/MARITA/MONICA APT.

In the bathroom, Scully is admiring the “cute” yet “sexy” hairstyle she’s given Monica, she holds her hands over her heart.

SCULLY
(fake crying)
Sometimes I really think I’m a genius.

Monica is impressed but not thrilled about all this. Since she and Robert Alfredo had that ridiculous argument and split last month, she’s been wanting to find ways to make him jealous and want to get her back. So suddenly she’s finding Scully’s advice not so smart. She doesn’t want Robert to think she’s slutty. Oh well, as long as Scully doesn’t make her smell like a French whore, she’ll be able to keep herself in check.

MONICA
So what are you going to do tonight?

SCULLY
(cleaning up)
Well, since Marita is out tonight with the boys,
and you’re gonna be out for a few hours, more
if you get lucky, I’m planning on watching a few
videos I rented while pigging out on food that I
shouldn’t and if I’m lazy and tired enough, falling
asleep on the couch. I’m gonna have a “guy” night.

MONICA
“Guy night”? So you won’t be
watching any sappy chick flicks?

SCULLY
Nope. I actually rented some porn.

MONICA
(shocked)
Dana!

SCULLY
What? It’s funny to watch actors fake
it. Nevermind the fact I haven’t had any-

She stops herself from continuing, no need to talk about that.

MONICA
Well, if you hear me come home, please hit stop.

Monica stands up, just as she does they hear three knocks on the door. Monica makes her way over to answer it.

SCULLY
Monica no! If it’s Josh you don’t want to-

Monica opens the door and lets Doggett and Brad in. However they stand in the doorway staring at her. Brad’s eyes almost pop out, only after checking her out from head to toe. Doggett is appauled at what she’s wearing.

DOGGETT
Monica! Put some clothes on! (beat)
(looks & realizes it’s a dress) You look like a girl!

MONICA
That’s because I am a girl, you halfwit!

She lets them in and shuts the door. They follow Buddy into the living room. Scully has disappeared into her bedroom. Doggett is carrying three boxes of large pizza. Brad is gawking.

MONICA
So what brings you two here?
I thought I made you two have
a “guys night out”.

Buddy jumps up on the couch and gets comfy in his favorite corner.

DOGGETT
Nevermind that, why are you playing dress up?

Scully comes into the living room, she still looks like “shit”… comfy “shit”. She’s holding a bunch of makeup.

SCULLY
Monica… I’ve got some make up
you can use. It’ll highlight your eyes.

Scully sits Monica down on the couch and starts to apply makeup like Brad and Doggett have never seen before.

SCULLY
Oh and Mon’.. next time, let me
answer the door. If it’s Josh, you’ll
want to make your Grand Entrance
and stun him with your beauty.

Brad and Doggett can’t believe Monica is allowing herself to get beautified. Doggett gets over it and speaks.

DOGGETT
Dana, what are you doing to my Monica?

BRAD
(demanding)
Who’s Josh?

Doggett wanders into the kitchen to break into the pizza. He opens up the cheese pizza and smiles. He goes back to the living room, not using a plate with his pizza. He sits next to Scully on the couch and watches her with wonder.

DOGGETT
I can’t believe she’s letting you do this.

Bradley is still just standing there, waiting for someone to tell him who Josh is.

SCULLY
She has a date with this guy
she met at the park earlier today.

DOGGETT
A park? How many kids does he have?

BRAD
Who is this punk?

MONICA
You, Bradley Follmer, you must be getting
over yourself. I’m no longer interested
in you. Infact, I’m completely over you.
You, Bradley, should have figured that
out when I was with Robert.

Doggett leans toward Scully.

DOGGETT
And how many times did Mon’
use the word “you”, referring to Mr. Follmer.

Scully laughs and lipstick smears all over Monica’s chin. There's a knock on the door. Needless to say, Scully must rush Monica out of the living room to fix her makeup, leaving Doggett and Brad to let Josh in…

Doggett and Brad approach the door.

BRAD
(to Doggett as Door opens/immature)
Josh? What is he twelve?

They see Josh (guest star Brad Pitt), he’s dressed in a suit, his shirt is untucked and sloppy, in a classy kind of a way. The guys just stand there.

JOSH
I’m here to pick up Monica.

DOGGETT
(tough man)
So… you’re already on
a first-name basis?

BRAD
(trying to be tough man)
Yeah, what he said.

Josh lets himself in. Buddy runs up to him. Josh bends down on one knee to pet him.

JOSH
(to Buddy)
Hey little guy, whatcha doin’, huh?

Doggett and Brad share a look, how dare a guy like this come into their lives.

Off screen, we hear Monica “cough” to get their attention. All three men look over. Monica is standing in her bedroom doorway, on the advice of Scully, she has her arm above her, resting on the door frame. She licks her lips at Josh once he makes eye contact with her.

Josh stands up and runs his hand through his hair, he’s speechless. Monica slowly and seductively walks towards him, he offers her his arm and she wraps her's around it. In the background we see Scully come out of the room. She takes one look at Josh and ducks out. She doesn’t want to be seen by such a hot man dressed as she is.

Monica and Josh pass Doggett and Brad. They stand there with their jaws dropped open. Monica and Josh exit. The door shuts.

Brad punches Doggett on his shoulder.

DOGGETT
(rubs shoulder)
What the hell was that for?

BRAD
You didn’t stop her.

Brad flops down on the couch. Scully comes out of her room.

SCULLY
(uncomfortable)
Um… I don’t mean to be rude, but
uh… I was kinda planing on an alone
night. As in no visitors.

DOGGETT
Aw… come on Dana, a night without
friends, is like a life not lived-

BRAD
I said that about Monica once…

SCULLY
(to Doggett)
And that’s coming from a
man who lives alone…

Doggett is still rubbing his shoulder, trying to get Scully’s medical attention, not working so far.

DOGGETT
That’s not true… I’ve got a dog,
man’s best friend…

Scully gives him a look and sits down on the couch. Brad is looking at the cases of the videos she rented.

BRAD
(reading)
“Inter Office Relations”?

Scully grabs it out of his hand, he picks up another. Doggett sits down next to Scully.

BRAD
“Hot and Wild In Africa”?

SCULLY
Stop it!

BRAD
(highly amused)
Agent Scully… did you rent porn?
If you need to relieve anything
sexually, John’s here for you.

Scully’s eyes go wide, jaw drops, and face goes red.

DOGGETT
Brad! Don’t speak to her like that!

BRAD
Like what? (beat) You two are so obvious.

SCULLY
Excuse me?

BRAD
Oh like you don’t know.

DOGGETT
Know what?

Brad lets out a sigh before he begins to tell how obvious their feelings for each other are.

BRAD
That you two have feelings for each other.

SCULLY
What?

BRAD
Like I said, it’s so obvious.
Why don’t you two just get it over with?
Nine years is long enough, John.

Doggett says nothing.

SCULLY
(curious)
What about nine years?

Brad looks at Doggett and Doggett glares back.

BRAD
No… I don’t think I have the
right to tell you.

SCULLY
That’s not fair. (beat; turns to Doggett)
Nine years? Long enough without what?

Doggett says nothing, and irritatedly cocks his head to the side, as his ears begin to glow red.

BRAD
(changing subject)
Mind if we watch these with you?

Brad stands up and pops in “Inter Office Relations”. The video starts. Doggett is still embarrassed about what was almost mentioned. Scully is still curious, but watches the video.

BRAD
(after a beat)
So is this guy porn or girl porn?

We hear an attempt at plot dialogue come from the TV.

DOGGETT
Girl porn, those always try to have
some sort of plot before any action begins.

Scully and Brad look at him… Doggett watches porn?

DOGGETT
What? I’m a man, all men have
watched porn at some point in their lives.

Off their looks…

CUT TO:

INT. MANNER’S BAR

Mulder and Krycek are still singing “I Got You Babe”… for the 20th time in a row. Mulder has hopped up into Krycek’s arms and sings, they are wasted. The crowd has started to boo them, some pretzels and other various snack foods are being thrown at them.

At the Skinner/Alfredo table, we see that Marita did show up. She and Skinner are having a private conversation. Marita looks upset and Skinner is trying to comfort her, but she’s not allowing him to do so. Alfredo sits there, thinking he should be going.

ALFREDO
Well guys… I guess I’ll see you later-

Marita starts crying awfully loud and stands up and runs to the ladies room. Skinner follows, concerned. Alfredo is alone. He looks at Mulder and Krycek, turns and leaves the bar.

He’s headed to:

SMASH CUT TO:

INT. SCULLY/MARITA/MONICA APT – 20MIN LATER

The door to the apartment flies open. Alfredo enters without knocking. He has with him some take-out pizza. He’s scared the crap out of Doggett, Scully and Brad, who continue to watch the porn. Alfredo stops in his tracks when he sees what’s on TV.

ALFREDO
You guys aren’t watching one of those
tapes from Monica’s “Blackmail Box”, are you?

Scully hits STOP on the VCR remote and turns to face him.

SCULLY
What are you talking about?

DOGGETT
We were just uh… watching…

He looks at the TV. Sumo wrestling is on.

DOGGETT
(pained)
Sumo wresting…

Alfredo shuts the door and comes in. He sits in between Scully and Brad. He opens a pizza box and takes out a slice of four meat extra cheese with black olives, onions, and anchovies. He takes a bite.

BRAD
Why are you here, Agent Alfredo?

ALFREDO
Things got boring over at Manners’,
so I thought I’d drop in here.

SCULLY
Monica isn’t here tonight.

Alfredo gets sad, but soon gets over it.

ALFREDO
How about Marita?

Scully shakes her head, poor Alfredo, since they broke up, he’s been showing up at their apartment more often. Especially when she and Marita are there and Monica is elsewhere…

SCULLY
Monica’s on a date, and Marita is out.

ALFREDO
Where is she? Marita I mean.

He stands up and heads back to the door to leave. Scully follows.

INT. APT. HALLWAY – CONT

Scully exits and shuts the door behind her. Alfredo is leaving.

SCULLY
Robert! You have no clue where she is.

He stops and faces her.

ALFREDO
Tell me where she is, Dana.

SCULLY
She’s at a nice French restaurant down town.
But seriously, showing up there would be the
wrong thing to do to get her back.

He looks at her in disbelief. He was talking about Marita, who’s she talking about?

SCULLY
You see, Mon’ doesn’t really know this Josh guy…

ALFREDO
(about to laugh)
-His name is Josh?

SCULLY
Who knows, he may turn out to be a real
creep and when she gets back she’ll see
you here, all grown up and respectful, and
she’ll realize what she’s lost.

Scully pushes him back into the apartment. They see, when they enter, that Doggett and Brad have started up the porn again.

ALFREDO
Sumo wrestling my ass.

They sit down.

ALFREDO
So what’s this called?

DOGGETT
“Inter Office Relations”.

ALFREDO
(laughs/thinks he’s hitting on her)
Something Miss Scully knows an awful
lot about. (to Scully) Were you the
technical supervisor for this film?

Scully, Doggett and Brad give him a shocked look.

DOGGETT
Why do you insist on picking on her?

ALFREDO
You haven’t seen what evidence Mon’
has to support my “technical advisor”
theory. (to Scully) Home videos and
un-published books to name a few…

Scully’s eyes go wide. What in the world does Monica have on her?

SCULLY
(upset)
What are you guys doing here anyway?
This was supposed to be my alone night-

ALFREDO
-Alone night? What were you
planning on doing by yourself?

SCULLY
Robert Alfredo! Remember what I
said about you looking mature and
respectful? (beat) Well, I could tell
Mon’ just how mean you’re being
to me and-

ALFREDO
-Well, if you and a certain someone
who buys lime green condoms want some
“alone time”, I’m sure Brad and I can leave-

DOGGETT
(overreacting)
-I don’t know why I bought those!
That was months ago, I can’t believe
Monica told you about that! Why, I’m
gonna have to-

SCULLY
(quiet)
John, you’re in the bad place…

DOGGETT
(continuing)
-have a talk with her about all this.
You know, she’s always had a big
mouth ever since we were little. She’s
always made sure to find ways to embarrass me-

ALFREDO
(to Scully)
Mon’ said he likes you, I think his
defensive proves it. Want us to
leave you two alone?

Doggett continues his blabbing.

SCULLY
(to Alfredo)
No, he’s gone to the bad place. Mon’
said he has a hard time letting go
of insignificant things…

Ahh… they sit back and let him rant.

CUT TO:

INT. FRENCH RESTAURANT

Monica and Josh are seated at a candle lit table. Monica is faking her interest in what Josh is talking about.

JOSH
Then in the eighth grade I was
playing football and won the most
important game all on my own. (laughs)
Boy that was a really sucky team. (beat)
Did I ever tell you about-

MONICA
-You know what, I’ve got to go
to the little girls room. I’ll be right back.

Monica gets up and heads to the restroom. Josh sits back and watches her with a perverted grin on his face. He looks as if he’s got a plan in his head.

CUT TO:

INT. RESTROOM

Monica is going through one of Scully’s purses that she let Monica use. She’s looking for her cell phone, she finds it and dials. Behind her, Josh enters the restroom.

MONICA
(into phone)
Yeah, Dana, I need you to-

Josh takes the phone out of her hand and tosses it into a toilet then he holds her close and forces a kiss upon her. He leans her back onto the counter with a sink, the water turns on, soaking the back of her dress.

CUT TO:

INT. SCULLY/MARITA/MONICA APT. – CONT

Scully is sitting on the couch, holding the phone to her ear, she hangs up.

SCULLY
That’s odd.

Suddenly, the apartment door flies open and Marita runs right past them bawling her eyes out. She runs into her room and slams the door shut.

Scully, Alfredo, Doggett and Brad sit there and wonder.

ALFREDO
I wonder if that has anything to do
with her and A.D. Skinner at the bar.

BRAD
What are you? Mr. Know-It-All?

They glare at each other.

DOGGETT
Oh gimme a break. Grow up you two.

Scully stands up to go shut the apartment door. Just as she does, the door flies open, hitting her in the face. Skinner storms into the living room, not even realizing what he did to Scully. She holds her nose and leans against a wall and sits down.

SKINNER
(to the guys)
Did Marita lock herself in her room?

ALFREDO
She went in there, not sure if she locked it.

Skinner goes and knocks on the door.

SKINNER
Marita Lynn! Let me in! I’m not
going to let you off just like that.

MARITA
(muffled)
No! I want you to go away,
I’m upset with you.

SKINNER
Why? All I did was suggest we get married!

All goes quiet. Brad turns off the porn, they all look at him. Scully comes out of the kitchen, holding paper towel around her nose, her head is tilted back. All eyes are on Skinner, and he knows it. After a few beats, Marita opens her door and pulls Skinner into her bedroom.

Scully returns to the living room.

DOGGETT
Is he going through a mid-life crisis?
Proposing to two women all within a year?

SCULLY
Well, how does that make him any worse
than you, and your little “crisis”?

DOGGETT
What are you talking about?

Scully takes a seat on his lap (couch is full and Buddy is asleep in the other chair)

SCULLY
Remember when you proposed to
Monica at the laundromat…?

Doggett thinks back… it doesn’t seem like he remembers.

DOGGETT
(lying)
I never did that… I have
no reason to. Monica is Monica.

ALFREDO
Liar.

BRAD
Mr. Doggett always lies, he’s such a weenie.

They all look at him oddly, “weenie”?

SCULLY
Oh… as much as we’d all like
to talk about John’s weenie-

Alfredo snort laughs out a loud laugh. Scully gives him a look. Doggett’s face is a deep shade of red.

ALFREDO
Sorry, you said “John’s weenie”.

Scully stands up, acting like she doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

SCULLY
(lying/high toned)
No I didn’t…

She walks into the kitchen.

ALFREDO
Yes. You did.

SCULLY
No, I didn’t.

ALFREDO
Yes, you did, Dana.

SCULLY
No, I didn’t, Robert.

ALFREDO
Yes, you did-

BRAD
Oh my god you two shut up.
We all know what was said.
Just look at Mr. Doggett’s face.

Doggett stands up.

DOGGETT
Leave the memory disabled alone!

ALFREDO
It’s actually called “retrieval failure”.

Doggett is about to hurt Alfredo, but the apartment door flies open. It’s Monica. She’s pissed and has lost her… Scully’s high heel shoes.

MONICA
Dana! I hate you!

Scully comes out of the kitchen, her nose is all mucked up.

SCULLY
Why?

MONICA
(points to outfit)
Because of this slut-wear. Josh thought
I’d be an easy screw in the restaurant
restroom. Nevermind the fact that he
threw my cell phone in a toilet, ripped
your dress and soaked it in a sink!

Scully looks sweet and innocent.

SCULLY
Geez, Mon’… If you hadn’t picked up
some stranger in a park, that probably
wouldn’t have happened. (beat) Infact,
Robert is here and I think you two should talk.

Marita’s bedroom door slowly opens. She and Skinner come out.

MARITA
Everybody… I have something
important to tell you.

They stand/sit where they are and wait what she has to say.

MARITA
Walter and I are going to have a baby.

She smiles at them, they have no reaction, considering how they saw them acting earlier. Monica is excited.

MONICA
Oh my god! Congratulations!

Monica hugs her.

MARITA
Infact, I know for sure I’m
having just one baby.

Monica pulls back. How?

MARITA
When I did the home pregnancy
test, it said “1”.

Scully lets out a small laugh. Doggett is looking at her weird.

SCULLY
Marita, honey. The test results are either
positive or negative. A plus or minus. I
think you misread the test in your own Marita way.

SKINNER
What are you sayin’? She’s not pregnant?

SCULLY
Well if it was negative.

MARITA
I’m so stupid!

She runs to the bathroom and comes out with the test box. She looks at the directions. Then she looks relieved.

MARITA
(happy)
Oh thank heavens. The result is
negative. I can be so silly sometimes.

Off their looks (some holding in laughter and shaking their heads) and Marita hugging Scully…

FADE OUT:

THE END.

 

 

 

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